Hail to Thee Inhalers
Inhalers have become a universal punchline, but if you have asthma, they’re your lifeline and much more.
Michael Weston, super spy star of the TV Show “Burn Notice” is going undercover as a wimpy, introverted office worker—in contrast to his usual two-fisted, virile self. To drive home the point, he occasionally takes a puff or two from an Asthma Inhaler.
Dr. Leonard Hoffstedler, the socially awkward but sexually active theoretical physicist of The Big Bang Theory, is not only plagued by a lack of height and lactose intolerance, but he can also be seen sucking on an Asthma Inhaler during times of extreme stress.
Milhous, Bart Simpson’s best friend is not only nervous, nerdy and very thin, he’s a two-dimensional cartoon for Pete’s sake, but he also relies on—you guessed it—an asthma inhaler!
The implication is clear. Any guy who has needed an Inhaler is, weak, wimpy, fearful and of lesser character than non-inhalers.
The Emergency Asthma Inhaler, or EAI, which administers medication that prevents a sudden inconvenience from escalating to a life-threatening event, is seen as at best a punchline, or worse, an object of ridicule.
Do we make fun of people with diabetes for needing insulin? Do we heckle deaf people for wearing hearing aids? Do we laugh at the disabled as they roll to the head of the line in wheelchairs?
Let me tell you, there’s nothing funny about sucking wind. Asthma is no joke. To get an idea of what an attack is like, try the following exercise:
Duct tape your mouth, plus one nostril, shut. For a bonus, stick a straw through the open nostril
Vigorously run around the neighborhood for three to five minutes.
Try taking a deep breath and exhale
Notice your labored breathing.
Feel like working out? Going one-on-one with your bros? Standing up?
No, all you want to do is lay down, but you can’t lay down because it feels like you have a piano on your chest. All you can do is awkwardly sit there as you struggle to get air into your lungs and breathing takes so much effort you can’t do anything else—each breath is like bench pressing 1.000 lbs.
Soon you’ll begin to have trouble concentrating, and start to feel panicky from lack of oxygen—that’s right, oxygen deprivation the prize at the bottom of Asthma Cracker Jack Box. Do you remember those Chilean miners who were trapped underground for two months a few years ago? They had more oxygen than you do now.
Ripping off the duct tape replicates the feeling you’d get from using an inhaler. The sudden rush of air immediately calms you and clears your head. Your chest relaxes as the “weight” is gradually lifted until you’re fully back to normal. (Asthma’s only saving grace is there are no after effects once the medication is administered.)
You have just been uncomfortable for a few minutes. Now imagine having the threat of that attack hanging over your head for the rest of your life — along with the knowledge that if you do not have access to your inhaler or the proper medication, the attack with continue to worsen until you collapse from exhaustion, and possibly stop breathing.
As an Asthmatic myself, I can tell you that any number of things triggers attacks. Physical exertion for one — this is not just “losing your breath” it is losing the ability to breathe. Or being near and inhaling dust, animal dander, pollen, tobacco smoke, any other kind of smoke, perfume, the strong odor of some cleaning fluids the list goes on.
I once had an attack sitting the audience at the circus. We had really good seats, a little too good as it turned out. When the big cats entered the ring, the wheezing commenced. Another hazard is being in the vicinity of someone who’s spritzing themselves with perfume.
Before inhalers, asthmatics risked their lives just by leaving the house—or staying in the house if it were dusty. Imagine having to treat dust bunny’s as though they were attack dogs. The only relief available was waiting for the attack to pass. An anti-histamine would occasionally work. As a last resort, it was rushing off to the emergency room for a shot of adrenaline.
Inhalers should be seen as a badge of honor. They give the courage to sally forth into a cruel and dangerous world that can have us incapacitated at any moment. It gives us control over our lives. It says that we will not be defined, or limited by our affliction.
“Though I may walk through the valley of dust I shall fear no allergen…”
So the next time you see someone puffing on an inhaler, go over to them, but only if you don’t own a cat. See if they’re OK, and tell them how much you admire their courage and say, “Hail to thee inhaler.”
You might even want to salute.